Fearlessly in Love
Words by Marquita Moore
The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is get on the scale to see how much weight I've lost, or I look at my stomach to see if it's flatter than when I went to sleep. I'm tired of yo-yo dieting and trying to figure out what I should or shouldn't be eating.
I'm tired of worrying about my hair and if it's thinning or if I will develop scarred alopecia like my mother did. I'm tired.
Any time I get frustrated with life or feel down, these body image issues and thoughts come up and grab me in a chokehold. This tells me that it is a strategy that darkness uses to distract me and keep me disconnected from The Light.
I have found myself in the middle of the strategy. Living from a spirit that encourages fear and limitations,and not the Spirit of God, which is alive in me, and wants me to live powerfully, lovingly, and with a mind that is sound and sure about His creation.
I had a friend who is more like a mother figure correct me one day. I said, “I have had such a bad relationship with food.” I have repeatedly said this in the past, so it feels like a spiel when I say it. And I said it as if I had crossed to the other side of this ocean of struggle.
She said, “You don’t have a bad relationship with food. You have a bad relationship with your body, with how you see yourself.”
The part of me that felt like I should have gotten over it tried to tell her all the ways she was wrong. But when I got off the phone with her, 30 seconds later, I sent her a humble text.
It read, “You are right. My bad relationship is with how I see myself. I fight with it all the time. And I surrender to it like I'm afraid to accept me as I am. Why can’t I just love myself without fear, recklessly abandoning the old words and thoughts I have said and thought about my body? Why can’t I replace them with an unfathomable amount of acceptance? What would be the harm? What would there be to fear? What would my life be like if I could fearlessly encourage and love myself like I love my child?
How would I experience myself? How would my life change?" That day I changed. That conversation was the catalyst for me to see deeply how I saw myself.
When we begin to reflect and understand deeply how much God loves us, and accepts us as we are, these questions get answered.
I reflected on the amount of time I spent not loving myself fearlessly and completely. I struggled with my self-image for years. I thought it was over, but here I was still wrestling. I had to look at every shallow thought and belief that I held about,and against myself, and challenge them to a duel so they could be slayed by the Light of truth. I had to see what was in the way of me falling head over heels in love with myself. My capacity to see myself and believe in how God sees me had to increase.
And it goes without saying, but let me say it; this is not from an egoic natural point of view but from a supernatural spiritual knowing of my Father (God) and the belief in every word He says about me– not just me—us. I wanted to examine why I agreed more with what society and others said about me, rather than what God says. Why the noise of my flesh was louder than the purity and truth of His voice inside of me—His voice that said how beautiful I am, as I am, and how perfect it is not to desire to be perfect but to have a heart eager to grow and to walk confidently in the authority,
power, and body He has given me.
The power we want to experience from God works when we accept our differences and uniqueness; when we become ok with who and how we were created.
Learning how to love yourself through your wounds, trauma, misunderstandings, generational issues, blatant racism, systemic racism, sexism, colorism, and all the “isms” is hard enough. The decks are stacked all around, making it that much harder for us to love ourselves. This is why we must be so solid in the love we hold for ourselves.
When we awaken to God’s deep, profound, unwavering, real love for us, and we learn to keep our eyes on that, all the reasons that make us feel unlovable start to dissipate, and we begin to see ourselves fearlessly through the eyes and the love of God.
Now when I wake, I first thank God for my life and health, and for still having a purpose for me on this Earth. I ask that my capacity to hold everything He has for me increases every day. I also ask that the condition of my heart (soul) be searched instead of me searching my physical body for flaws. When I address what my spirit needs, my physical needs get in step. I naturally make choices in my food and routine that align with what is highest for me, without stress, burden, and fear.
I learned to be unafraid of the love I carry for myself. Fearlessly embracing me. Any other way of living is contrary to the Spirit of God that dwells within me. If we live by fear, we live by a spirit not given to us by the Creator.
So, I ask you, "What would be the harm? What would there be to fear if you could fearlessly encourage and love yourself? What would your life be like? How would you experience yourself? How would your life change?"